A Happier Life

Recently I saw a post on Tumblr from The Online Counselling College and copied it down to keep. I felt it contained some really important tips for building a happier day; I am so easily pulled into a spiral of negative, toxic thinking and often having some written steps for turning my mood around is helpful.

10 Tips for Creating A Happier Life 

1. Examine and challenge your negative thinking. Don't allow yourself to jump to painful, negative conclusions.
I get a lot of negative thoughts. For example, this morning I woke up feeling bloated and immediately thought 'I am fat and disgusting.' Rather than believing that I am fat and disgusting, I challenged this thought; yes, my stomach is bloated, but there are reasons for that and something I have definitely learned from recovery is that bloating always goes away eventually. The rest of me is not fat, it is impossible to have gained weight overnight. The fat thought is merely my eating disorder trying to bring me down, and I won't let it do that. 
2. Imagine a better, more positive future and think about steps that could take you there.
I know I don't want to spend the rest of my 20's living at home with my parents watching me, and I've already started to build my new future by getting back into education and considering job opportunities. Rather than sitting being miserable about my friends all having high-flying careers, homes and relationships, I am realising that I have overcome a serious illness and I too can have the things that my friends have, or whatever makes me happy. I don't need to be thin, or exercise more/eat less than everyone else to be 'the best', I just need to be content with who I am and being healthy. 
3. Try to live a purposeful, and meaningful, life.
I used to think my purpose was being thin. Now, I've come to realise that that is not a purpose. My purpose is changing all the time, but includes being a happy, healthy friend, daughter, sister, cousin and hopefully in the future girlfriend and mother. For too long I have fretted about the fact that I don't have a 'defined purpose' - but I'm coming to realise that I don't have to have a job or children to have a purpose, I just need to be present and content in my current situation. 
4. Choose to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. They both exist - so choose to think about the good.
When I wake up, my first thought tends to be 'I can't believe I have to get out of bed, how unfair.' Recently, I've been trying to say 'My bed was so comfortable last night, I had a good sleep and I can't wait to be back here in a matter of hours.' Rather than always thinking about the negative of a situation - for example, gaining weight is going to make me fat and out of control - I'm trying to retrain my brain to think of some positives - gaining weight is giving me my life back and making me happy and healthy,  much happier and healthier than I was when I was much thinner. 
5. Let go of the demands, of the "oughts", "musts" and "shoulds".
This is a hard one for me. My mind sits in a permanent state of overdrive, thinking about what I must do or what I should be doing with my time. Learning to let go of this habit, just to sit with feelings, will serve me better. Kicking perfectionism out of my life would make me much happier. 
6. Don't just bury all your negative or difficult emotions. Face and deal with the things that are getting you down.
Another hard one. However, I'm getting better at this; rather than saying 'Eating is getting me down, so I'll not eat what I'm supposed to' I am finally acknowledging that it's hard, facing the fear and doing it anyway in the hope of a brighter future. I'm also guilty of feeling low and wallowing in that emotion, whereas the correct is response is recognising that I'm feeling low and doing something about it - blogging, listening to music, watching a good tv show and most importantly, not socially isolating myself. 
7. Be grateful for the small things that bring joy to your day.
I have started this in earnest recently. Last night, I was so thankful for getting into my warm bed with a good book and my sunset lamp, and this morning the beautiful sunset was a glorious way to start the day. I'm even finding a way of bringing joy to wisdom teeth pain - the joy that comes when the painkillers kick in!
8. Take your eyes off the past, and things that have gone wrong, and think about "next time" and what you'll do differently. 
On my low days, all I can focus on is where I've gone wrong in my life. Choosing the wrong subjects at school, quitting University the first time, buying an apartment then refusing to live in it, dropping out of nursing…when I get caught up in this spiral of doom I just plummet into depression. Instead, I need to look forward; acknowledge that I have learned from the past and have lots to look forward to in the future. My mistakes have made me more resilient, more resourceful, not afraid to speak my mind and make changes…it's not all negative. 
9. Relinquish the need to try and fix other people- and just focus on creating your own happiness.
This is a HUGE one for me. I feel a constant need to improve and change the lives of others. Instead of focusing on the intricate details of my family and friends, I have to concentrate on ME and what will make MY life better. Taking a step back and letting people make some decisions for themselves would serve me well. 
10. Recognise that happiness is a choice. It may be hard work, but you can choose your attitude.